When we asked Patti McGuire how she got turned on to citizen's-band radio, she replied: "I've always liked to keep the hammer down, so I learned a long time ago to latch on to a roger roller skate, because I knew you could bet your beaver that someone was on the front door beating on the bushes for a bear and I wouldn't get bit on the seat of the britches. So it was inevitable that I became a ladybreaker from the Gateway City of St. Louis, Missouri."
Uh, come again? "Well," she said, "I liked to speed, so I would always try to find a car with a C.B. antenna. If it was doing 90 miles an hour, I could be fairly certain that the driver was talking to someone on down the highway and that there weren't any policemen on patrol. I wouldn't get a ticket." We were wondering if we were going to have to enroll in a Berlitz course in C.B. slang to complete the interview, but Patti saw our plight and volunteered to talk in straight English. Well, almost. Being Irish, she has a basic disrespect for such things as simple facts. When she tells a story, you're not sure what's true and what's not, but it doesn't matter. Fortunately, Patti comes equipped with a built-in lie detector. If she smiles, you know she's having fun. For example, in discussing relationships, she admitted that she believed in a "reverse double" standard. She wanted to be free to explore casual affairs, but her man had to be faithful. Could she be more specific? "Well, have you ever seen the original uncut version of King Kong? When Kong first meets Fay Wray, he peels off her clothes, fondles her and then sniffs his fingers. Later, when he's climbing the Empire State Building, he reaches through a window and grabs a blonde. He sniffs her and, realizing that she is not his beloved, casually tosses her some 50 stories to her death. That's my idea of a faithful lover." Miss November is equally frank about her sex life, but we noticed the same toungue-in-cheek quality, the giveaway smile. We listened with extreme attention as she described sitting stark naked in an outdoor Jacuzzi in Los Angeles while a stream of hot water pulsated against her most sensitive regions. How did the story end? "Well, this big bullfrog came galloping across the lawn, saw the water and, not knowing any better, jumped right in. Imagine his surprise when he discovered the water was almost boiling. That was some startled bullfrog." Apart from her irreverent attitude toward boyfriends and bullfrogs, Miss November is a fairly serious woman. A few months ago, she visited Los Angeles. She was offered several acting and modeling assignments but turned them down to return to St. Louis.
She wants to complete her education (she was a poli-sci major at Southern Illinois). Eventually, she would like to become a consumer-affairs investigator à la Nader's Raiders. She is active in local politics. Four years ago -- before she was old enough to vote -- she worked to send Christopher "Kit" Bond to the governor's mansion in Missouri. It's that time of year again, and Patti is planning to help out again. What will she do after the campaign? "Learn tennis or skiing. I think everyone needs at least one physical activity to be good at. Something that requires coordination and concentration. Something other than sex. A person needs variety, right?" Roger.
---- Photography by Pompeo Posar
AMBITIONS
I'd like to finish school and teach at a junior high or high school.
TURN-ONS
Great trips, ocean, sex and Las Vegas.
TURN-OFFS
Chronic complainers, jealous women.
CLUB HOPPING
I'm a Bunny at the Playboy Club in St. Louis.
GREAT BOOKS
"Jaws," "Plain Speaking," "Helter Skelter."
HIGHER EDUCATION
I'm studying history and political science at Southern Illinois University.
CHILDHOOD
I grew up in St. Louis with a younger brother and two younger sisters. I was also my high school's homecoming queen.
I'LL STOP TO WATCH
"Starsky and Hutch," "Kojak," or "The Rich Little Show."
FAVORITE FOODS
Lobster, fried crabs, frozen bananas and daiquiris.
MY FRIENDS KNOW
I have a split personality. I'm half liberal and half conservative.
I'D LOVE TO
Manage a ski resort.
I'D LOVE TO MEET
Elvis Presley. He's been my idol since I was five years old.
